Managing exam anxiety in tweens

As a parent or guardian, witnessing your child navigate the challenges of school can be both rewarding and stressful. One of the most significant hurdles they face is exam stress. Exams can feel like a huge mountain to climb, especially for tweens who are just beginning to experience academic pressures in a more serious way. Not to mention, our children experience their first major examinations only in Primary 3, about time as they enter tweenhood.

Signs Your Tween May Be Struggling

Children don’t always say, “I’m stressed.” They might instead show their struggles in the following ways:

• Trouble sleeping or frequent headaches/stomachaches

• Irritability or emotional outbursts

• Avoidance of schoolwork or exams

• Loss of interest in usual activities

• Perfectionistic behaviors (over-studying, erasing and rewriting work)

What can parents/guardians do to help?

1.    Listen actively and validate their emotions

When our child shares their worries, listen without judgment. Validate their feelings and let them know it’s okay to feel stressed/ anxious/ worried. Relate your own experiences with exam stress. Sharing stories can help our children feel less isolated and more understood.

2.    Encourage a balance between study and play

Remind our children that our brains need rest. Encourage breaks, physical activity, and fun activities that nourishes them (i.e., boosts their mood, grounds/centres them, relaxes them). Fun and laughter aren’t “wasted time" but 'productive rest' essential to helping them be more productive when they pick up the books again.

3.    Encourage healthy routines for sleep, nutrition, screen time

Limit late-night scrolling of social media or playing of games that can interfere with sleep and heighten anxiety should comparisons arise due to social media.

4.    Teach and model usage of calming down strategies

- Starfish breathing: Trace the outlines of a starfish with an index finger, and breathe in as you trace upwards/ breathe out as you trace downwards.

- Rainbow walk grounding technique: Notice and describe in detail an item of each colour of the rainbow in your surroundings.

5.    Create a story about your child with your child

This is one of my favorite ways to help our children reframe/re-author their stories into more empowering ones and externalise the fear/anxiety within them. You can make it more fun by considering your child's interests.

• Start with describing your child's strengths (e.g., "Once a upon a time, there lived a child named ___. ____ was hardworking, caring, helpful ...."

• Guide your child to label/name the fear (e.g., "Big bad monster", "Worry monster", "Bully")

• Talk about when fear comes up and how it affects your child

• Guide your child to name a superhero or two (imaginary or real) and how this superhero can help fight fear (i.e., what can the superhero say or do to chase fear away?)

• Conclude the story with how the child succeeds in fighting fear away!

6.    Ask your child to consider how a favorite idol overcame difficulties/ challenges, and what they can learn from their stories.

This can help foster a growth mindset, when our children see that success comes from hard work and the spirit to keep trying despite setbacks.

Conclusion

Managing exam stress in children is a crucial aspect of their academic journey. As a parent or guardian, we can help them navigate this challenging time with confidence and resilience. After all, it’s not just about the grades but about nurturing a positive attitude towards learning and resilience in the face of challenges.